Learning the Pace of Those We Want to Help.

I do not think those who have made me feel bad in my life intentionally set out to do so, I just believe there are certain tones you use to speak to someone in order for them to understand what you are trying to say. If you yell at someone and tell them that the decisions they are making are stupid, that individual is more likely to not hear anything but they are stupid and run with it. If you ask an individual if they understand what they are doing and have questions following the main one you ask, you have a better chance of the person seeing the deeper issues of their actions on their own. I feel as though people become so deeply involved on an emotional level that the effort to help someone turn into a form of chastisement.

Being someone that comes from a background of trauma I found myself being harder on someone that I wish would just get the bigger picture of how bad the “little things” are destroying their destiny to be great. I would hold them to such a high standard without really understanding if they hear what I am saying or if they are processing and understanding it. I would never plug the variables in properly, so when I thought I knew and understood exactly where they were, their actions would show me otherwise. Later on I learned it’s not that they didn’t get the picture, I just had to take a step back and give them the time they needed for what they were taught to kick in.

Unlearning what you were taught takes time. Imagine being a machine that was great at reading data that was created to be processed in that specific machine, the machine will always spew out the correct results; What if one day someone brought data cards that the machine was not created read and put them inside that exact machine?, the results are more likely to be incorrect read if read at all. The machine was programmed a long time ago to only process a certain type of data. As humans our brains are the same way we have to learn to reprogram which may take some time but will only happen IF we are consistent in the reprogramming process.

We have to learn to take heed to the ones progressing without making them feel worse or less than about their mistakes. It is not our place to tell another human being who is learning and progressing just as we are how long the process should take. We must simply hope and trust that when the timing is right they figure things out and learn to walk with them at the pace they are at. If you’re planting your seeds eventually they will sprout and grow but if the roots are not given time to flourish before you dig the entire plant up, Was it really a bad seed or are there a few more things about gardening you should learn?

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Those That Are Lost Eventually Find Their Way🌱

Life told some of us we would not make it before birth. When we exceeded beyond what people told us we would or would not become. WE CHOSE TO CONTINUE FIGHTING, even when we had no one but ourselves and had no idea what we were fighting for, we did. When you quit on someone or you lose faith in them, judge them, laugh at them trying to figure it all out the best way they can, We notice. No matter how many times you fix your mouth to tell us to keep going or don’t quit, or I believe in you, etc we know you don’t really mean it. Those that are genuinely fighting and pressing forward and trying to figure it out eventually do. We eventually understand it all even that you stopped caring or never cared to begin with. Don’t worry though we won’t hold it against you or take it personal. We just know who not to contact and share our blessings with when things finally turn around. 🌱

Your careless decisions sometimes hurt others more than they hurt you.

Keep this in mind I just wanted to give a few words of wisdom, Sometimes we go through things and we jump into unhealthy coping skills to makes ourselves feel better. STOP before you act. You never realize where you will be in the next few days, weeks, months or years and EVERY single decision you make comes with consequences that often time affect those you grow to love more than they hurt you. Stop and think about every outcome when it comes to sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. You must stop being selfish and look at the situation from a perspective lens. Ask yourself “Who will this effect other than me and how will others feel about what I am doing to myself.”

Ade🌻The seed before girlyaesthetics.com

she is a flower, but she isn’t soft. I write from a complex, ambivert perspective|activist| womanist | impact over clout
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I didn’t have a rough childhood. I didn’t grow up with no parents or only one parent. Money wasn’t really tight either; me and my siblings have always been well taken care of. There were no deaths in my family or step sisters and brothers from hell like you hear about on TV. Needless to say, I’m blessed. But, as a child/teenager I still struggled. I struggled with who I was, and who I wanted to be.

I was born in Chicago, IL but my parents moved the family to Dallas, TX when I was 4 or 5 years old. A couple of years later they had my brother. I am the middle child. Being the middle child sucks. You’re not old enough to do what your older sister does, but you’re not young enough to get away with the same stuff your little brother gets away with. It drove me insane. I think me thinking this way affected my relationship with my siblings and parents.

As a kid I liked to have fun. No matter who liked it or not. I was a good kid, but fun came before anything else to me. I was the smallest kid on the playground with the biggest mouth and laugh. Looking back, I should’ve known that was going to get me a lot of enemies.

I was always that little girl who said what others were too afraid to say, and did what others were too afraid to do. I never cared or thought twice about the judgement of others. That’s probably why I went and got a girlfriend sophomore year without thinking twice about it. That relationship was the most exciting, confusing, toxic, trying, time of my life. She broke my heart into pieces and I’ve done some unforgivable things,I don’t regret it though. I didn’t think about how my parents or friends would feel because I grew up always doing what I wanted because whose life was it anyway?

I’m glad that relationship ended when it did though. It was cool while it lasted but it definitely wasn’t the one for me. I have no regrets, just lessons learned. You must fall in love and get your heart broken a few couple times to grow.

I go to school in a small town of Iola Kansas and last year I met a couple of girls who I later befriended and planned to go see in their hometown during spring break. I’m no longer friends with those girls. God will ruin certain friendships for you to appreciate the real friends you have in your life.

I also started having sex my freshman year in college. I thought I loved him so I let him walk over me, and I ignored the signs. This year he left me for someone else and I thank him for that. I was so blinded by lust, I didn’t realize he was only using me. After that, I knew I would never let a guy use me again.

This last year in my life, I took a step back, analyzed who I was, and who I wanted to be. I started focusing inward, because your beauty comes from inside out, after all. I had to learn to accept instead of always expecting. Expectations lead to disappointments. Constantly being disappointed will have you questioning yourself, and God. This generation is very ego driven, and it is hard to find genuine souls with good intention. I had to learn that certain situations are only temporary, and to grow, you have to go through shit. I am also learning that it is okay to be selfish and put my happiness first. I am learning that the same hand that will help you up, could be the same hand that drags you down. It is okay to set boundaries and be selfish with your body and time. I am learning it’s okay to walk away from relationships/friendship that no longer benefit you and help you grow. Like the old saying goes, “ those who matter won’t mind, and the ones who mind don’t matter.” Embrace who you are. Do what you love, and be the best at what you do.

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SPROUTS Part 6:

When I got back to Minnesota the terrible decisions I chose to make had caught up to me and I was suffering the repercussions of my actions, badly. After a week of laying on the bathroom floor (no over exaggeration,ALL DAY AND NIGHT) crying and listening to church music. -I’m dramatic aye eff lol I know. I decided it was time to check myself into a psych ward I had not lost my mind yet but it was only a matter of time. In the institution I did nothing but sleep and consult with my team in hopes to develop healthy living from here on out in my life. By my last day I everyone knew who I was and loved me so much. I accidentally helped people and learned how to accept the help the lessons they unintentionally and intentionally instilled into me. When I left I was still very depressed and did nothing but lay in bed all day. In fact for a while I didn’t leave my room. I knew I couldn’t stay like this for long so did what I needed to and turned my wall into a canvas. I began to bring TheLifeWeGROWThrough and CharlyeSprouts to life. I wrote the principles of the character I wanted become on the wall and began working to become a person that was Honest, respectful,Joyful,ambitious, purpose driven, and last but not least as much of God as I could become. It was time to fight and overcome. I refused to allow him the satisfaction of making me bitter and unhappy the rest of my life. So I fought day in and out, made myself get up out of bed and push through it. I still had hard days but before I knew it I found myself staring in the mirror at the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my life, the happiest person, most peaceful person, the smartest person, the most loved, and the list continues. I was alive and doing well and changing and growing and NOT WHO SHE WAS. It was that moment right that made me realize you get through things. You overcome and you live on. Now I live my life completely free and open, most of all I live my life in hopes help others find themselves just as God blessed me with the opportunity to change mine.God taught me that you are capable of excelling beyond your planned expectations. He will teach you to walk by faith and not by site and he will never give you more than you can bare. I am no longer a victim but a survivor. 🌱

SPROUTS Part 5:

I eventually told my support system what happened and was confronted with another challenge. You never know when people will say enough is enough. They kinda did so I was put in a place to stay broken and quit and be done trying to build a better life for myself or step the heck up and figure this life shit out fast! So in that moment I chose to put myself in a place of discomfort. I knew I was vain so I cut my hair. I knew I was superficial so I threw away my entire wardrobe and kept a few items and last but not least I told myself I would leave California and stay away until I figured out who I was and what my purpose was in life. I moved back to Minnesota thus started the hardest journey of my life.

SPROUTS Part 4:

The next morning I got up early that morning and for some reason felt the need to apologize to him for what ever I did to him in the past I knew was wrong in my part. He told me that I indeed owed him an apology and he thanks me for that. I mentioned that what happened the night before could never happen again, he said of course and kinda just smirked. Later that day something told me to text him “I don’t want to be friends I want to be with you.” I know but sounds stupid but I realized in that moment that if I could have predicted how he would respond then what took place in that room was indeed rape. He never responded. I texted him a few hours later and told him “you win. I’m done.” He responds with “what are you talking about?” Knowing I would be too afraid to confront about what he had just done. I just felt so empty and numb. I was broken at the end of the rope. I could not handle one more of life’s curveballs. I guess you can say I quit. I checked out of reality and planned to stay that way.